Magic Words
by shadowmaat
Summary: More Factley fluff. Craig's life has become less structured and safe since he met Wheatley. Is it worth it? (Thanks to the Geekenders, stalkingengine, and Katt)


Keeping the secret proved to be easier than he'd thought. Craig was relieved, but also a little disappointed. It wasn't that he wanted to get in trouble- especially given the repercussions of getting caught- but it chafed just the tiniest bit to realize that others saw him as easy to dismiss. A good worker, yes. A solid mind in the field, yes. But he was also dutiful and predictable and the last one anyone would suspect of subterfuge. He'd always prided himself on those things before and he still did, but at the same time…

He sighed. Maybe he had a deathwish. It would explain his attraction to Wheatley, who was not only dangerous to be involved with in terms of societal standards and company policy, but who was also one of the most accident-prone individuals he'd ever met. It defied statistics. He'd already saved him from a near-drowning in the men's room, stopped him from falling down an open elevator shaft, and been forced to act as hostage negotiator when he was kidnapped by escaped lab mice. It was as if Wheatley lacked some essential filter between brain and motor function that made him do things without considering the consequences.

Leaning back in his chair, he smiled. The big nitwit was almost a law unto himself. And unlike the majority of scientists and office drones at Aperture he hadn't succumbed to the air of paranoia and backstabbing. Craig hoped he never would; the constant cheer and unfailing optimism could grate on the nerves, but it was also oddly comforting.

Something bounced across his desk, clinking against his No Coffee, No Work mug. It looked like a rock. He glanced up to see Rick standing on the other side of the room, arms folded across his chest and looking attentive.

"Moon rocks aren't toys, Rick." He picked it up and dropped it in his "Out" tray.

"Moon rocks?" Kevin bounced up in down. "Moon rocks from space!"

"Oh, great! Now you've got him started!" Rick shook his head. "_As I was saying_, what's gotten into you, lately? You keep staring off into-" He glanced at Kevin. "...thin air."

"Space!" Kevin grinned at him.

"And you're smiling more. Hmm." He paused, as if adding up the evidence.

Craig broke out in a cold sweat. He didn't believe in jinxes, but coincidence could be just as dangerous. "I don't know what you're talking ab-"

Rick clapped his hands and pointed. "It's a girl, isn't it? Ha! I knew it!"

"What? No! It's not a…" He hesitated, wondering if the misdirection could work for him.

"Space attack!" Kevin crossed the room to snatch the moon rock from Craig's desk, swooping it around the room making ray gun noises.

"Sure it is!" Rick was grinning. "Hey, nothing wrong with a little healthy interest in the opposite sex. Proves you're human. I was beginning to wonder about you."

Craig froze, but Rick continued on, unaware.

"I've heard they're gonna start replacing us all with robot employees, and I figure if anyone around here's a robot-"

"Moon lasers! Pew! Pew!" Kevin had the rock shoot at Rick as he swung past.

"Very funny, Rick." Craig picked up a pen and tried to look like he was working.

"It was, wasn't it?" Smirking, Rick went back to the control panel he'd been working on. "Anyway, congratulations. And if you need help figuring a way to ask her out…"

Craig snorted; he couldn't help it. "You mean like you asking out Miss Caroline?"

"Y'see." Rick's lab coat flared around him as he turned again, pointing a screwdriver at Craig. "It's things like that which illustrate while you'll always be alone. You just have no understanding of how to woo a lady. Ya gotta approach these things delicate-like. Work up to it…"

_Or just grab him and kiss him_, Craig thought, blushing. Sometimes the direct approach worked, too. Speaking of which… He glanced at the clock.

"That's great, Rick," he said, interrupting an explanation involving deer, "but I have to go hand in this report."

Snatching an empty file folder off the desk, he headed out.

"Ignition, blastoff!" Kevin called after him.

"I can only hope," he mumbled, picking up the pace.

For a room that had, to all appearances, been abandoned and boarded over, it was very spacious. The acoustics were a bit weird and sometimes there were weird mechanical wails with no source, but it was isolated and no one was likely to stumble across them. Or so he'd thought. He slowed, realizing he could hear Wheatley ahead of him in the corridor, talking to someone.

"...absolutely authorized to be down here! I-in fact, I'm thinkin' maybe I should be seeing your papers, eh?"

"_Who _are_ you?_"

Craig's heart clenched, the air leaving his lungs in a huff as he recognized the sweet sing-song voice. He ran, already knowing it was too late. As he skidded around the corner Wheatley caught sight of him and let out a startled yell.

"Oh, it's you! Ha! Don't mind saying you scared m-"

Craig slammed into him, shoving him- shoving both of them- away from the adjoining hallway where he'd been standing.

"Target acquired!"

There was a rattle of gunfire and they were both screaming before momentum carried them past the edge of the intersection.

"AAHHH! What the bloody hell was that?!"

Craig clung to him, waiting for his legs to start working again.

"_Are you still there?_"

"We were having a perfectly nice conversation, there!" Wheatley shouted. "That was completely unnecessary! With the gunfire! A-and the bullets!"

Craig held him at arm's length, shaking him. "Are you insane?! That was a turret!"

"Hey! Ow!" Wheatley wobbled, grabbing at Craig to steady himself. "What are you getting mad at me for? She's the one that shot at us!"

"_She_ is an _it_ and _it_ is a _turret!_" Craig knew he was shouting, but his nerves wouldn't let him do anything else. "It's what turrets do! They shoot people! You could have been killed!"

"Ow. Point- uh, point of fact…" Wheatley backed against a wall to brace himself. "Small point of fact, but she was not actually shooting at me. N-not until she, uh, was. Can- can we stop now? Please?"

"Turrets exist for the sole purpose of filling people full of-" Craig stopped, sharing up at Wheatley as memory replayed itself. He'd come around the corner, Wheatley had been standing directly in front of the turret, he'd tackled the idiot and then gunfire. "...What? How? Why didn't it shoot? You're not hit, are you?" He ran his hands over the front of Wheatley's shirt, not quite believing it.

Wheatley chuckled, dropping his arms to his sides to give him more access. "I just asked her not to. I even used the magic word."

"Magic word?" There was a command to make the turrets stop?

A smile spread across Wheatley's face like a sunbeam, if sunbeams could be smug. "It's _'please'_," he said. "I should think even you'd know that one."

There was no sign of injury, which was surprising, but not as surprising as what he'd just heard. He stared up into those guileless blue eyes.

"Wait. You… you _asked a turret_ not to shoot you… and it _didn't?_"

"Asked it nicely." Wheatley tugged on the lapels of Craig's lab coat, drawing him closer. "Never hurts to be nice." He bent down for a kiss.

Craig stepped back. "You got a _turret_ to _obey_ you. I don't know if that's impressive or the sign of a really major design flaw."

"I have my moments of genius." Wheatley tried to kiss him again. "Lots of them. All the time."

Craig took another step back. "We… we should go. I don't think it's safe here." He started down the hall, away from the turret.

"You were scared, weren't you?" Wheatley followed him, grinning. "You were afraid I was going to get hurt!"

"_Of course I was-_" Craig took a deep, calming breath and tried again. "Yes. Human encounters with turrets have a 78% fatality rate. I was… concerned."

Trying the nearest door, he found it unlocked. It opened into a closet full of dust and stacks of decaying sponges. Cliché, but he was willing to take it.

"Knew it." Wheatley followed him inside. "You were worried about me! You care!"

Rather than answer, he grabbed Wheatley's badly-knotted tie and yanked him down into a kiss. Much better than long-winded and potentially dangerous words.

"Mmmm…" Wheatley pressed against him, his mouth sliding over to nuzzle his ear before trailing its way down his throat. Craig arched into it, reaching up to tangle his fingers in that dark mess of hair.

It was a great distraction. Fears were forgotten, jobs were forgotten, even the bustling hive of the facility around them was ignored as they lost themselves in the moment. Later people might wonder why Wheatley was covered in dust and Kevin might notice a "hull breach" in Craig's lab coat, but that was later and this… was now.


End file.
